5 Reasons He Won't Commit - Yet

Not all men are freaked out by 'forever', but the ones who are say they're not saying 'never' either, discovers Clara Lee.

It's been done before: men have bought diamond rings, proposed, manoeuvred their way into suits, even been known to enrol in salsa classes weeks before their wedding, to prove they're just as committed as their brides-to-be are to staging a show-stopping first dance as a married couple. Men have participated in the ultimate display of commitment - marriage - so we know they can do it. It's just that they won't do it at a time when most women just have to have the ring - or at least a definite plan that they're headed in that direction.

Although we're of the same species, are men a different kind of animal when it comes to commitment? Are women born sprinters towards Commitment Country, while men are natually snail-paced? We got some answers straight from the horse's mouth.

1. "I do" sounds freakishly like "I'm doomed!" Many women can't wait to tie the knot so that they can truly get started on the next chapter of their lives. However, a number of men see marriage as a large stop sigh signalling the end of their happy bachelor times. Albert*, 34, says, "At this point in my life, it's simply social suicide. I do a lot of travelling with the guys, and if I get married, I know it's goodbye to all that." A simple night of poker, says Albert*, will become a contentious issue once he's signed marriage papers. "I love my girlfriend and I will settle down, eventually," adds Tim*. "But not now." In other words, it's not you. It's him... and his friends.
2. He has the time to wait. Many men go into a relationship without any idea where it might be in a week, much less in six months or two years. When faced with "the next level", they realise they're not sure you're what they're looking for. And they would like to have a little look-around, just to see what they're missing. And hey, they have the time. "It's a little unfair," says Eric*, 33, "but men don't feel pressure to have kids at a certain age. We actually do have the luxury of time." Unless, Eric* explains, the guy is following a self-imposed timetable: marriage by 28, first kid by 30, second by 32. "Most of the time, at least for my friends," he adds, "it's the girl who threatens to walk away from the relationship because she has to have kids already." Some of his friends have opted to take the plunge while others have said they'll wait for someone younger who has more time.
3. He thinks he's going to have to save you. Lee*, 31, says, "I don't want to start planning anything major until I can afford the ring she wants, the big wedding, the gown, the house, everything. My wife has to be happy and materially comfortable." Machismo is not dead - it is alive and well and keeping those wedding bells at bay. While it's sweet that they're more than willing to foot the bill - all the bills - it's a little worrying if they think you come with a steep price tag. Most men don't know there are other options, such as cooperation and sharing, and until you explain this possibility to them, they'll be sidestepping Tiffany's.
4. He's been badly burnt. While there's no scientific proof that women are m ore emotionally resilient than men, this certainly seems like a fact. More women are willing to give commitment a second go even though their previous serious relationship went awry, but men take a while to recover from a near-death experience. If he barely managed to crawl away from his last relationship with a severely battered ego, don't expect him to be up and about any time soon. He may show signs of emotional health, but he's not going there again this time, at least not until he's sure. "I thought everything was going great," says Paul*, 32, of his one-year engagement. "Then she calls it off on the day we get our wedding invitations. Next time, I'll do what women do: I'll look before I leap. I'll look for about two more years."
5. It's you. He might not want to hunker down with you but just can't say it. "didn't have the guts to hurt my girlfriend because she's a really nice person," says Michael*, 32. "But she wasn't The One." So he waited for her to realise that for herself - which hurt just the same. And, for the longest time, she called him a commitment-phobe, when all he really was, was a coward.

Extracted from Female magazine